"Motherly Love too Far?"

As far back as I can remember, I had always loved my mother both emotionally and sexually. I had always tried to see her naked when she was showering and changing. I used to hide in her closet when she got home and watch her change her clothes. It got me so hard. One time, at the beach, she had asked me to put sun screen on her, so I did. I said that just in case the bathing suit shifts, I had better rub some lotion on an inch or two underneath it. Of course she would never know that I just really wanted to see under it. I did her boobs, lifting the bathing suit up and brushing over her nipple. I did one, and as I did the other one, it was rock hard. After that, I said in an embarrassed voice, "Sorry."

She said it was OK. When I got to her inner thigh, she made sure her pubic hair was tucked into the bathing suit. After she went to the beach, I was so hard I just had to masturbate.

Once, I hid our video camera in the bathroom so I could watch her change and shower. When we were coming back to the house, I ran ahead and turned it on. After getting some awesome video of both her and my aunt, I went and showered. The next day, I woke up and my mom was sitting with the camera and said, "What the hell is this?"

I said frantically that I found the camera in the bathroom and brought it with me. I insisted I had not noticed it was on. She accepted that answer easily. Later that day, I was going to get in the shower, so I got completely naked and walked into the bathroom. Just then, my mom was getting out of the shower (I kind of planned it that way.)

We just stood there and looked at each others bodies. She got a towel, and I put my hand over my penis. She asked what I was hiding. I said, "Nothing."

She said, "Nonsense, let me see!" She got level with it and moved my hands as my boner shot up as she sat there and stared at it. I acted shy and embarrassed, but I really wasn't. It seems to me, she was trying to either get revenge for me videotaping her in the nude or else she was trying to teach me a lesson about how it feels to have my privacy violated. Little did she know, the lesson or revenge did not work. She just inspired and aroused me more than ever. I masturbate all the time while thinking of that shower experience.

I don't think she has any idea that I am sexually fascinated with her specifically. I bet lots of young guys try to see their mothers nude because there are no other girls around. But my case is different. I don't ever want to see any other girl. The big problem is: I'm 19 and running out of excuses to justify to myself that this can be normal. Now I don't know what to do!

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